woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
