Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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