matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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