I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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