You can't motorboat a personality
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
