Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Someone came in the potted fern
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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