You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
