I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
