on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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