Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
