she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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