Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
