So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
