I just made out with a guy for $7.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
