so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize