Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
