Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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