I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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