so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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