I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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