I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
