Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
