does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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