You really coming over, don't trick.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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