I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
