You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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