Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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