Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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