Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
