I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
