I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
