Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
