i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
