Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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