I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize