Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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