Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sext me about skeletons
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
