Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
