i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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