Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
