I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We are all done wearing pants today
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
