her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
