turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
worst night to have a conscience
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
