You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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