Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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