Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
