she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
