my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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