It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
