How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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