Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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