Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
