u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
