Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
