I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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