Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
