Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
