All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
