please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
