im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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