Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
