while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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