meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
