Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
