if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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