That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
