he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
