He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
