you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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