There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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