He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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