Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
