Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
