dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
